Wow who knew there was so much to the human attachment. I really enjoyed the section in the book along with the videos. The forms of attachment from Mary Ainsworth and how many babies fall in each category was interesting and to see how I could relate with my attachments and also what kind of attachment my daughter and I have.
*Secure attachment~relationships in which infants have come to trust and depend on mothers 60-65% American babies fall in this category
*Avoidance attachment~relationships in which infants turn away from their mother when they are reunited following a brief separation 20% of American babies fall in this category
* Resistant attachment~relationships in which after a brief separation infants want to be held but are difficult to console 10-15% of American babies fall in this category
*Disorganized attachment~ when infants don't seem to understand what's happening when they are separated and later reunited with their mothers 5-10% of American babies fall in this category
It was interesting to hear the consequences of attachment of Erickson and other theorist who believe that secure or insecure attachments can lay the foundation for future social relationships.
I was born and immediately put up for adoption. I was in a orphanage until i was adopted at 6 months old. After adoption my adopted mother left us when i was 3. I then was raised by my father who was a truck driver and gone a lot so we had nannies in and out. A few years later my father died and we were sent back to our mother who we had not seen for years and didn't really know. I only vaguely remember my early years but I wonder if I ever really had a secure attachment with all the instability. I know that my mom and I never have became really close and to this day I find it hard to trust her or count on her. It did impact my life as I have always been weary of others and have always found it hard to trust or believe in others. However with my daughter and I it's totally different and i have raised her a lot along the lines of the Attachment parenting video and completey opposite of how I was raised. I breast feed her for the first year and she has always slept with me. She will be 11 Monday and even though she does have her own bed she is allowed to sleep with me whenever she wants. I've had opinions about this but i really don't care because its my parenting choices no one Else's and I want my daughter to continue to know she can trust me and always count on me and have a secure attachment. When i tell her I'm going to be somewhere or do something I back that. I want her to have what i did not and am glad even though I never really was nurtured and hugging we just didn't do, that I am able to give that to her.
What i would like to know more about which was only touched on briefly is children that were brought up in an orphanage like me for that critical first part of life where secure attachments are made.
After a certain age my Mom (grandmother who raised me) stopped being affectionate. I thought for many years we had just reached the age of competition as two woman who lived under one roof often do; then I realized that was wrong. There is no way that a child should ever feel in competition with their parent. So I understand where you are coming from with your parenting style, it's natural to want to give our children the things we have never had. Keep loving her up! Because when it comes time for her to make important decisions, or talk about mistakes, or experiences she is having she will need someone she can trust. That will be you.
ReplyDeleteYour description about your relationship with your daughter made me happy! I am so glad that you were able to break the cycle and raise her like you are. I can definitely relate to your parenting style. My son will be two next week and we are still co-sleeping. My side of the family is used to this, as my sister has five children and the three youngest are still in the master bedroom with her and her husband, but I'm pretty sure my mother-in-law, who is of the old-school mindset, thinks it is preposterous that my son is still sleeping with me! It bothers me a little that people don't understand it, but that will never change how I parent!
ReplyDeleteWow! I really enjoy reading your blogs. Even though you seemed to not have stability a lot of the time in your life, you turned it around and are doing a great job at raising your daughter the way children deserve to be raised. It seems like you two have a great bond together. I think it's great that your daughter is able to sleep with you whenever she would like to. My stepson slept with my husband until he was about three but the whole year prior it had just been them two so he was able to do that. We had to wean him off that when I moved in because it would disturb my sleep as he is a crazy sleeper. It took awhile and was hard listening to him cry when we put him to bed, but we knew we had to do it!
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